False Starts
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left: Tonya weighing 200lbs–December 2005
right: Tonya and Mark Wiley-Biggest Loser Season 3 Contestant, World Spinning Conference in 2007
African-American women lead the obesity epidemic in the United States of America, and when I re-located to Baltimore County, Maryland, I was included in this dreadful statistic. Yet, I was determined to finally confront my reality. After years of looking in the mirror at a double chin and titling my head down to try to hide these layers of extra skin in photographs, of having an entire wardrobe with a size 16 label, with aching knees in my body that was not even thirty five years old, and, what hurt me the most, my on-going bridesmaids status without ever being a bride I was determined to change. I can recall sharing my concern about my weight with my best friend and she would say, “Girl, you are fine,” and we would share a laugh and quickly change the subject. The truth is, I was not fine.
Periodically, I would look at photographs of myself. I would hide them in books without even considering purchasing a pretty frame. I was too embarrassed to display photos of my full-figure in my new home. Ironically, nobody needs a photo and a picture frame to put one’s obesity on display—the world can see it and no Spanx or slim fitting jeans can hide it. There are many challenges that individuals can face, but obesity is one challenge you can not hide no matter how hard you try. When you are overweight or obese, the world bears witness to the reality that you have lost control of your health and perhaps even yourself.
I also attempted to share my concern about my weight with my mom. She and I have always been very close. In my early twenties, she would gently say, “Tonya, you need to do some sit-ups.” However, that was about all she would say. I know she recognized that my weight was spiraling out of control, but I do not think she felt comfortable challenging me on my weight. My mother is a petite woman who has never worn over a size four, so obesity was not something she could relate to or probably truly felt comfortable discussing with her only child.
Instead, I would initiate the discussion by sharing with her my love for the NBC television show, “The Biggest Loser.” Every week we would talk on the phone before, during, and after the show. We cheered the participants on as if they were our friends and family members. My mom and I are natural cheerleaders and were really proud of the contestants although we did not know any of them. One day in a vulnerable moment, I said, “Mom, I want to go on ‘The Biggest Loser’ and live on the ranch so that I can lose weight.”
My mom responded, “Sweetheart, you do not need to go on ‘The Biggest Loser.’ Just go do some sit-ups.”
Her response confirmed what I always knew; weight loss would be the first journey that I would have to take on my own. The people that God put in my life prior to this season, could not help me and that is the real reason I re-located to Baltimore County, Maryland. I thought I was moving to be closer to my job, but God had a bigger plan. He was sending me to my own personal version of “The Biggest Loser” to live on a ranch and this ranch was called Owings Mills, Maryland. Everything that I needed to transform my life through weight loss was right in Baltimore County, Maryland.
In January 2006, I received an advertisement through the mail for the Brick Bodies gym in Owings Mills, Maryland. I was immediately drawn to Brick Bodies for the following reasons:
· All women’s facility
· Affordable
· Personal Training
· Nutrition Classes
After visiting the gym, I joined and immediately hired a personal trainer, Janice and inquired about nutrition classes. My inquiry for nutrition classes were never answered, however, my connection with Janice was immediate. She hailed from the West Coast and was married to a doctoral student who attended my alma mater, the University of Maryland College Park. If an individual is or has a loved one pursuing an education, my career in higher education often makes me a great person to talk with. I enjoyed these conversations with Janice and I believe she did as well. Our personal training sessions always started with me warming up on the treadmill and then we would move to weight training. I do not recall our personal training sessions being rigorous, but I do remember that she would say at the end of each session, “Oh, Tonya….you should stay for another 30-45 minutes and do some form of cardio.”
I would respond quickly, “I have a meeting and cannot do that today.” I would smile and leave. Usually, I was leaving to go home and call Dominos to order a hand-tossed medium pizza topped with ground beef, pepperoni, and mushrooms along with a two-liter bottle of coke. Typically, I would eat more than half of the pizza and down the majority of the coke.
I continued this self-sabotaging and un-healthy behavior for many months and then one day something miraculous happened. During my personal training sessions, Janice started taking me into the cycle room to do my warm-up on a spinning bike and to do my weight training in this private room instead of the main floor in the gym. I immediately fell in love with spinning and would request that all of my sessions start with this form of exercise and that we do everything in this private room. The room had a mirror across one wall and reminded me of the rooms that I danced in as a young child. That private room really made me feel like I was receiving individual instruction. And what really sealed the deal for me is that Janice announced, “Tonya, I teach spinning class and you should come.” Spinning is a group fitness exercise that is facilitated by a certified group fitness instructor and students use an indoor spinning bike and typically the music is awesome. I immediately incorporated spinning classes into my schedule and continued my personal training sessions with Janice.
The group fitness classes were so nice because the rooms were diverse—there were women of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Perhaps this was the one environment where my bright red XL Nike shirt and black yoga pants did not matter—I fit in and my weight did not make me standout. I was accepted in this environment and this would soon become one of the biggest assets to my weight loss and weight management.
Ironically, the group fitness instructors did not fit a particular profile or stereotypic one either and I also loved this. I always took Janice’s class weekly, but I expanded to taking Erika Ruddie’s class, and there was one African American instructor, Donna who was amazing. Slowly, I was beginning to take health and fitness seriously, but I still had a long way to go. During this phase of my life, I had a habit of being late to meetings and events, but I began to notice that I was never late to spin class. I wanted to get there early, set up my bike, warm-up, and be ready for class to start. I loved the music and connection with the other women, and honestly never wanted class to end even when I could not keep up with the instructor.
Spinning is an awesome form of exercise because most participants in the class are focusing on themselves. Erika would often shout to the class, “Ride at your own pace.” Erika would also say, “There is nothing you can’t do.” I found her words encouraging, motivating, and truthful. Erika Ruddie gave me confidence to transform my life and she would soon become an essential part of team who helped me reach and maintain my weight loss goals. She truly is amazing and she was the first person to ever tell me, “There is nothing you can’t do” and at 200 lbs—I actually believed her.
One Wednesday evening in December of 2006, I arrived to the gym early for Donna’s spinning class. Upon my arrival, I greeted many friendly faces and noticed that one lady looked leaner, toned, and radiant. One who freely gives compliments, I positioned my bike next to her, hopped on, and quickly remarked, “Karen, you look great—what are you doing that I am not doing?” While looking at her, I realized that she and I had joined the gym around the same time, both hired a personal trainer, and both frequently attended spinning classes. She looked great and I, eleven months later, was still wearing my XL red Nike shirt, black yoga pants, and had not lost one pound. Karen’s response changed my life.
She said, “Weight Watchers is what I am doing and if you think I look great, look at Shannon. She has lost over fifty pounds.” In these brief moments between me setting up my bike and preparing to start class, I found a missing piece to the puzzle. As the music and class started, I wondered what in the world is Weight Watchers and how could this fit woman named Shannon ever have weighed a pound more than she did that day. Shannon looked great and I was intrigued. I ran over to her after class, introduced myself, inquired about Weight Watchers meetings, and ask her to be my Weight Watchers mentor. I was ready. I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting three days later and looked and found the other piece of the puzzle, Mrs. Joan Smith, the most dynamic Weight Watcher’s leader on the planet. When I walked into the meeting, I thought OMG, this woman is beautiful and she looks like me—except she was not overweight. She was 5”9 and dressed from head to toe. Too me she could have been America’s Next Top Model. I looked at her and said to myself, “Tonya, you can do this!”
There was one more essential step. Months prior to this sequence of events, I had scheduled an annual medical appointment and planned to discuss referrals for nutritionists. I did not want to commit to Weight Watchers until I spoke with my doctor and my appointment had been scheduled for months, two days after my first visit to Weight Watchers. So, when I left my first meeting, I told Karen, “I am going to go home, review the Weight Watchers material, and speak to my doctor this coming Monday. I left my very first Weight Watchers meeting feeling hopeful and thankful that I had discovered this secret and this secret would finally serve as the support I needed to say goodbye to leaving the gym and going home to order a medium, hand-tossed pizza and two-liter bottle of coke.
I rose early Monday morning, December 12, 2006 to ensure that I did not miss my medical appointment. Certainly, I was there for my annual exam, but I had another agenda. After the doctor concluded her exam, I asked, “Do you know anything about Weight Watchers or do you think nutritionists are a better option to achieve my weight loss goals?”
She immediately responded, “Weight Watchers is excellent, in fact our office manager has lost over 100 pounds on the Weight Watchers program!”
I was in shock and could not believe what I was hearing. One hundred pounds! I quickly put my clothes back on, introduced myself to the office manager, dashed to my car, drove straight to Weight Watchers and joined. I weighed in at 199.6 pounds on Monday, December 12, 2006--13 days before Christmas and this marked the end of my false starts with weight loss.